Adoption and Identity

I took an online webinar about adoption and identity recently. There was a panel of 4 adult adoptees that have very different adoption stories. There was one international adoptee, two adopted domestically as infants (one had bio siblings and the other had another adoptive sibling) and one that had a very rough childhood and was adopted domestically at age 14. The one common theme I got from the discussion was that we should talk openly and honestly about adoption and NOT LEAVE IT UP TO THE CHILD to bring up the discussion. It makes them feel alone on their adoption journey and some felt protective over their parents so didn't bring up the uncomfortable topic. Sad. Here are some bullet points I jotted down to remember...

 *Speak about adoption as a family identity. For example, "We are an adoptive family". Not "She is adopted". Another example, "We are a multicultural family."

 *Never say, "I don't see you as different."

 *One person on the panel wished they had more of an adoption community around her as she grew up.

*Never make child feel like you did charity for them by adopting them. "I held you and changed your diaper!"

 *About birth family search and homeland tours...
      *Keep option on table, but adoptee should be the one to decide.
      *Adoptee may assume they will fit in at homeland, but probably won't.
        Can lead to disappointment.            
      *Grieving and loss process that has to be acknowledged.
      *Can really help with identity, "I came from somewhere." 

*You can't make being adopted go away.

 *Never make up information about birth family.

We started telling Grace her story around 18 months and continued for almost a year.  She loved it!!!  Lately, she doesn't seem comfortable hearing it.  She gets this weird, uncomfortable look on her face.  Like she is forcing a smile.  One time she actually filled up with tears in the beginning of the story.  Broke my heart.  We are taking a break from it for a while.  I also made the story into a shutterfly book.  She has absolutely no interest in it.  She loves to look at the regular photo books with just pictures, but the one that tells the story.... No way!  We won't force it.  I wonder if she is starting to realize that she wasn't with us forever and that makes her uncomfortable or scared.  I was glad to hear during the webinar that we are doing the right things.  Grace not only has the adoption issue to deal with as she gets older, but the ethnicity issue too.  I pray we handle it well!

Our 2nd Family Day

Today is our 2nd Family Day! It's so hard to believe that two years ago, Brad and I were up for over 24 hours traveling home with the fifth member of our family! We COULD NOT wait to get home! To make it even better, it was Mother's Day! We came home to the boys running for our car, so eager to meet their sister. Our house was covered in posters and our lawn was covered in anxiously awaking family and friends. I remember every hug, every tear, EVERYTHING! It was truly one of the best moments of my life. We chose to celebrate Family Day for that reason and because we were finally home with the boys. We were complete!

We went to dinner at The Outback and came home to have special cookies and cream cupcakes!

Our beautiful girl :)

Our handsome boys :)

Tents and Baseball

Aidan has been playing baseball and pitches a couple innings each game. He is doing great!!! When the next league up was short players one night, he was "called up" to play. Unfortunately, Aidan wasn't comfortable playing with older kids, but it made him feel good to be asked.

Grace loves her new tent that she got for her birthday! She's practicing for real camping this summer!