As we prepare to bring Grace home, we have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of our baby. In her short life, our daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. She's already experienced the loss of a birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that we will meet her needs.
We have prepared to meet Grace's emotional needs so that she does learn that we will always take care of her and we will always keep her safe. We need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment we will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with us despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that we are spoiling her, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that we are her parents, we will need to be her primary caretakers at all times. It is essential that we always hold her, feed her, and do all of the nurturing and comforting. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. We will follow Grace's lead and trust our instincts as her parents rather than worry about what society expects.
We have all been waiting anxiously for Grace to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and we are prepared to help her through it and prove that we are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. We have been blessed with such amazing support throughout the past 3 years. Grace doesn't know it yet, but she is so lucky to have such a loving extended family. We truly do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but we trust that as our family and friends you will help us to do what is best for our daughter. We thank you in advance for your support and understanding as we form a strong attachment with our baby girl.
We will post later about our Gotcha Day!!!!
12 comments:
man, i just put mascara on!!!
Yeah, me too!
Beautifully written!!! I would think most of us weren't really thinking about the dramatic life change for little Grace and ways to eliminate her stress... Have a great day today.. Can't wait to see photos!!
I never thought of it that way but man you made it so clear!!!! (through my tears that is...) We are so happy for you all!
I wonder what pair of clip on earrings Mich is wearing w/ that mascara.
Big gold hoops!
Grace is so blessed to have two loving parents and big brothers who will show her how wonderful it is to be part of a truly special family.
This post was extremely well written. As a soon to be "new Grandmother" I want my grandson to experience all the things he has missed in his short life and who better to do that than his Mommy and Daddy. I will have to harness my deepest desires to immediately latch on to him, BUT the parents must bond first. I know that it will all be worth it. He will know that his parents love for him compares to God's love for us, UNCONDITIONAL. But, when the time is right, WATCH OUT because the out-of-control Grandma will swoop in for her turn!
I know your daughter will be love beyond measure & I wish God's richest blessing for your family.
Waiting Grandma, Jane
Well said! You can tell that you have put a lot of thought into what's most important for Grace right now. 3 years of thought! :) I hope little Grace's transition will be smooth and that everyone in your family adjusts quickly.
Beautifully written. I agree with every word. We know firsthand how important it is to spend that bonding time with your new adopted child. It is hard at times to be her sole care giver, but you will be rewarded forever for the time, care and love you put in over the next months. Grace has not been able to stare into your eyes from birth. Now is the time for your eyes to be the first and last she sees every day. Best wishes.
What an incredible post - I may copy some of that to send to our family and friends. Well done, mommy of three!
My family and friends approved of this verbally, but when it really came time to follow the basic rules we set forth, they thought we were being unreasonable and that our little guy was just 'friendly' and we were being over protective. I hope this works out better for you than it did for us.
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