When the boys came home from school, Grace perked up a bit and the rest of the night was great! She took a whole bunch of steps! We walked for about an hour today around the house with Grace holding my fingers. She couldn't get enough of it! Then tonight, she walked about 4 steps to Nate and then turned and walked to me! We couldn't believe it! She did take 2 steps before, but nothing like this. Then the rest of the night, she was taking lots of steps. She also came over to me at the dishwasher whining "mamamamama"!!!! Not sure if that is what she meant, but I'll take it :) The best part of the night was she was crawling away from me and playing with toys and her brothers. She has been stuck to me like glue! Which of course is sweet and a very good sign, but I wouldn't mind sharing the wealth a bit :) Brad has been doing great at getting her to sleep, but now I think that is backfiring. She screams bloody murder when he takes her from me and is the bad guy who puts her to bed. She is ok with him when I am no where to be seen or heard. Tonight I needed to go into the laundry room and he was feeding her cheerios. She would take cheerio from him and come back and eat it while sitting on me. One time I quickly snuck away to throw clothes in the drier and she FREAKED! She came crawling after me (she could even see me from the couch) screaming her head off. I love that she is attaching to me, but we really need her to form a relationship with Brad. He has been so great with getting up with her early in the morning, playing with her and feeding her, but things are off balance drastically the rest of the day. She will cling to me if he gets near. The majority of the day, Grace is literally ON me. She won't even sit beside me on the floor. I get nothing done. Which I knew would happen the first week home, but I'm getting worried for the next couple weeks. I can't even get her to sit on the floor by me so I can do dishes or pee. She has to be hanging on me which isn't making the later very easy :) She has to be going through tremendous loss and insecurity the past 5 days. We are both making sure she gets lots of cuddling, kisses, affection and silly time. I am worried though about her bonding with Brad. I'm wondering when she may come around to the idea of having the best daddy ever.
I'm so tired that a lot of this may not make much sense. I can barely type a coherent sentence. The basic idea is I can't put her down most of the day or walk 3 feet away. We will take any advice you have to offer. We thought that maybe I should go out tomorrow for a couple hours and let them have some time together without me around.
Overall, she is an absolute joy! She laughs so easily and has a real spark in her. (That was code for "trouble") The boys are over the moon that she is finally home! They keep competing for her attention and put so much energy into getting her to like them. At dinner last night, the boys were so happy we were all eating together and my heart was overflowing with happiness.
Grace attacked Aidan trying to get toy she wanted. The time I got the picture she was on her way off of him.
Grace attacked Aidan as he tried to read her a story!
15 comments:
She is so absolutely adorable!!!Our little boy was the same way when we 1st got home with me....all he wanted was me and I could not leave his sight!!! Over the last few weeks (we have now been home for 11) he is starting to really like Daddy and as soon as he sees him he puts his arms out for him BUT when he is cranky and tired, always wants Mama!!! It takes time and we are learning! Also, Matt in the beginning used to hit me alot in the face when he was tired and he stopped for a little bit but for some reason has started again a bit!! Also, hates his baths...bath time is very quick in this house!!! And the sleep, yes, the 1st few weeks were very difficult but again gets better!!! Hang in there...keep posting...love to see how she is doing and how you are all adjusting!
She looks so happy and if fitting in so well with the boys - you are truly blessed! She weighs as much as Marina - who is 2 years old!! We need to get some meat on Marina's bones. Marina still hates her baths - no amount of toys is going to make that a pleasant experience in the near future.
I love your posts - keep them coming!! Hope you are able to get some rest soon.
Were all the caretakers in Russia women???
the kids look so great together!! i love seeing her sitting at the table, how perfect!
get out of the house today so her and brad can spend time alone. feel free to go hang out at my house with newman. i know how much you love him.
Oh how I remember those first few days and weeks home! It is very intense. DO NOT WORRY right now about the bonding with Brad - it WILL happen. Encourage interaction between them but not to the point it freaks her out. She has gone through a huge change and you are her world right now and even though it is hard on you it is what she needs. I wouldn't push leaving the house by yourself just yet if she is getting so upset. We waited a couple weeks and then started slowly like going to the coffee shop 5 minutes away. You'll get through it but it does take time. In a month you'll be stunned how far you've come and then again in 3 months, etc. Reach out for help if you can - other people to come do laundry, dishes, etc so you are not so tired.
She is adorable and so glad she is having fun with the boys and they with her (that wasn't the case in our house lol)!
Laura
I agree with Laura. I wouldn't leave just yet. She is a huge developmental stage of developing trust, couple that with all she has been through. Jon and I had the same problem, except it was that Claire loved him and not me. We both stayed home with her the first few weeks and bonded with her. When Jon went back to work, I had lots of alone time with her and she began to trust me too. She's still a daddy's girl. Just try to think what kinds of interactions she may have had with men.... we have no clue, and it may have all been negative. She will learn to trust Brad, it just takes time.... especially with all she's been through.
Forgot to add to my previous comment.... I'd eat all the attention from her up for now, gives you a good excuse to have Brad do all the cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.
Oh my goodness does your post bring back memories of Jill coming home. Just like you, I couldn't make a single move without my little cling-on. And, she really did not care for my husband at all. It took a few months but it does get better as she gains her confidence. Jill is still a mama's girl but is very independent.
She is adorable! I am so happy for you and your family.
Yeah... no more watching every news story from Russia - on to the fun stuff! enjoy - she is fabulous.
Catherine
I remember telling you that Andrew would not let me leave his side. We have been home 7 months and he still wants me in the same room as him. I usually have to sit near him. I got NOTHING done the first few months. I had to come up with really creative ways even to make the bed in the morning because he would cling to my leg the whole time. I was exhausted; upset (I'm somewhat of a fanatic with lists and getting things done) and it was very hard to deal with mentally that I didn't even have time to write this list. I stayed up until 1 in the morning trying to get laundry done and paperwork from the office that I couldn't even look at during the day. Andrew was not interested in being with his father in the first 4-5 months. Now, he calls for him. If I'm in the room, he still pulls me to come with him into the other room before he does my father, but his attachment to him is definitely there now.
Hang in there. I remember telling my sister, "I feel like I living someone else life." It certainly wasn't anything I was used to after being married for 20 years without kids. You might want to wait before leaving for a few hours. It's her biggest fear right now that you won't be there. If she gets upset when you're gone and you're not there to comfort her, it really won't help her "detach" from you and attach to Brad a little. She'll only be more clingy. CHOP is really big on you being there for at least the first 3 months. It's not easy. Call me when you can. I'd love to talk to you.
My russian daughter is not even a baby or toddler and we dealt with the same things. I agree with everyone else in not leaving yet, the first time I left her was to go to the grocery store and she cried, but she played with Daddy and brothers while I was gone and was alright, but did have anxiety about going to bed that night (she was 7)
I would say practice more and more going out of the room, our of her line of vision then back. Find something fun that only Daddy does with her so there is something positive and something she can turn only to him for. Maybe a special toy she only plays with with him. For our daughter it was my husband throwing her up in the air and catching her 7 times, even though she was leary of him she couldn't resist the fun!
Congratulations, she is beautiful
It gets better with some more time. Hope is still somewhat clingy to me, but not as bad as before. Lots of kisses from your hubby and getting him to old her. Otherwise, just enjoy-cause you know eventually they will gravitate to Daddy-Girls;)
I would absolutely not leave her, that would be counter-productive to her trying to trust in you. Let everything go for awhile. In a year she'll love your husband. For right now she is just trying to survive. Her brain cannot understand what has happened to her, so she is in crisis-mode. What she is doing is normal and healthy. Just let her have all of your attention, and her anxiety will slowly go down. She is a doll!
Victoria
Don't leave her...that is the very best advice I can give you. If she wants to be held, hold her..if she is glued to your leg...leave her there...carry her with you around the house...she may be your first baby to sit on the kitchen counter while you cook and that is ok too. This is the most important time and I can promise that it will be short-lived. 6 months from now you will wish she wanted you to hold her all the time...enjoy it while it lasts. This is great news for bonding.
In a couple of months...she will only want your husband and will make the switch...Girls are heartbreakers that way...lol.
Logan is going through a bit of the same thing as well. He will play away from me if there is a ball involved! So happy that Grace took steps today...congrats!! She looks very happy and remember, this is all a journey for all of us!! I have to remind myself of that every day.
Post a Comment